Who the heck do I think I am?

Ever have a party and no one wants to come?

Sent out the notice about the department picnic last week, and the directions today (serving as a reminder). Now, I know - no weekend is gonna work for everyone. And it's slightly short notice (just short of 4 weeks), so many people already have plans. But out of the first 12+ responses, I've got only ONE person (and her husband and kids) who are coming. One. Out of 14 so far.

And me.

So. The department wants to do social things, except that they don't.

The tide will turn. I know there are people who will come but just haven't told me (please, let this be true). I know that this department in particular is REALLY BAD about rsvp-ing. For anything. So I think it's not as bad as it feels. But still, gotta say, what's running through my heart is: Why don't they like me? j/k, sorta.

And it's got to start somewhere. So even if it's just me and one family, we'll have a great time.

And if by next week I still have no other takers, well... Anyone want to have a picnic in Chestnut Hill on September 10th?

Second interview for a job I REALLY WANT, OMG, I just am so excited by this job, I wants it, precious.

Since I was basically walking within a block of my old building, I actually dropped in on Old Boss D to let him know that this is the one. Had a good chat. He recommended another agency that specializes in project management - and gave me a contact name for them. And also promised that he'd give me a stellar rec when this place calls (which I don't doubt he'll do).

Meanwhile, temp job is...temporary. Predecessor's last day was today. She had no effing clue how to train someone. Frustrating. Don't really know how things are going to go. Still don't have access to all the bits I need - which will be VERY interesting.... But at least the computer, desk, etc. are MINE now, no one making it even harder by not really giving me the ability to learn what to do. Her manual is fairly close to useless but we'll see how it holds up once I can root around on my own and make notes about it all.

Meanwhile meanwhile, I got back to the office (only about... 2 hours later than planned!) and saw that someone had called. Listened to the vm to learn that it's a recruiter. Checked email: Yup, a good potential contractor job. Called him, chatted, and sent over references (including D) and resume. Also made an appointment to see him (they insist on a face-to-face interview) on Thursday afternoon when I'm already out for my MD appointment (which is necessary to get a health attestation, which is necessary for temporary job). But then! He called back about an hour later, having spoken to D. "Oh, no, we have to get you in on this right away. Can you meet me this afternoon?" Heh. So... we picked a time and met at Starbucks nearby.

So it's always feast or famine, isn't it? Anyway...I will feel a little bad if I leave this contract job for the other, even though it's probably only about an 8-week stint. But it's an 8-week stint for possibly as much as a third again the current rate I'm making. Dunno. Mainly it's that I've *just* spent a week training and I'm not even really doing the job yet, so it seems like a pretty crappy thing to do, but I'd give them a week to find someone else. And really, it's more a question of burning bridges than feeling obligated to the temp job. Temp job is...a crummy job, in a lot of ways.

Really, really just want the direct hire job. I can't even. I'm superstitious about details, but trust me. Wicked cool, even if it's not 5 miles from home like temp job. Still haven't met key manager at temp job who has the power to reconsider my resume for a possible permanent job. Would still take 2nd-interview job, probably, over possible permanent job, just because OMG, way better (and probably better $), way more interesting. But must remain focused. Must continue applying. Nothing is certain until it's certain. Argh.


Beowulf the event was last weekend. Met some awesome folks, had amazing food, and really thoroughly enjoyed everything except the last hour or so of having sat on a bench for the previous 8 hours. The performances were each one fantastic, some truly epic, and the whole experience was simply unrepeatable. Also? First SCA event since Pennsic. (Yeah, I know. I suck.)


Got home to some sad news, though. I had a friend back in primary school, a couple years younger than I was, but we bonded over quirky satire songs (Tom Lehrer, Flanders & Swann) and showtunes, and he was one of the first people my own age who shared the obsession with theatre that I was already exhibiting. We were never "romantic" (or whatever passes for romantic at 8 and 10 or whatever), but it was an important connection for both of us, for the same reasons: Meeting someone else who was our brand of "crazy" and who made it "okay" to be different from all the other kids at school. Ben transferred out of my school after a year or two and went on to other things. We lost touch, and then we found each other again several years ago via LinkedIn. We exchanged a few emails to tell each other what was up in our lives, drifted away again, and then once again waved at each other in passing in '09 when I got laid off. Ben had also moved home (after being on the west coast for a while) and was helping his parents with their antique store.

Ben recently sustained a fall with a knee fracture and went in for surgery. He developed post-operative complications (not sure what but probably an embolism), and passed away last week. He was 37.

My mother happened to see his obit and for some reason, she felt compelled to go to the memorial. I'm really glad she did; she had no idea that Ben and I had reconnected, but she said his mother remembered me and she was glad to know that he'd made a lasting impression on us. I could say something about regretting that we didn't stay in touch, but I know better. I'm just not a very "keep in touch" kind of person, though I try. Still it's sad to think that yet another person who had a profound influence on my life has passed out of it.


Stuff: Continue to use the Wii and like it. Apparently weight loss / redistribution is noticeable to folks who haven't seen me in a while (based on the people I saw at former workplace). Got hair cut (waited until after Beowulf b/c I wouldn't have been able to braid my hair if I'd done it before) using a Groupon. May go back to the stylist, may not. Computer is hanging on (literally) by a wire. I really need to research replacing it (again, since it's been 3 months since I looked), but I would like to settle taxes before doing that. (Refund from Fed but owe MA.) Phone acted all possessed when I tried to charge it with another charger - so I really do have to get another Palm charger (not sure where the extra cord is!). Still need to do laundry this weekend. Still need to clean. I want it to be SPRING NOW, PLEASE.


Next up: learning lines for Nunsense! W00t.

I haven't updated in a bit.

Well. ( My week, let me show you it )


Oh, I think I may have at least partially dislodged some of the writer's block on my original novel. But only a toehold. And I had a couple ideas about a short story I've been invited to submit to another anthology, though nothing is flowing yet on that, just more thoughts. But it's some progress, anyway.

Alternity continues to be awesome, but a little slow at the moment. The muses are taking a breather, I guess.


Well, there you go. That's what's up with me.


Oh! Memage:

What was the #1 song the day you were born? Google the date and #1 song and then post your #1 song on your LJ - preferably with a Youtube vid if you can find one!

Well, according to Billboard, it was Al Green's "Let's Stay Together." And here is a vid from 1972, the very year in question:



Yeah, I don't even know what this is supposed to signify. But check out the blazer!

It should have been one more day, but Human Resources offered to extend me one more week (to shift things like COBRA into next year), and because he's determined to suck every ounce out of me, Boss D expects me to be in the office during that time. Although, to be fair, I clarified with him later and he backed off on that - "Oh, no. I fully expect you to do what you need to do for you, but if there are things that you can continue to push forward, that would be really helpful. And I don't want anyone getting the idea that you should be burning vacation for that week." Which, the last part? Is BS - because no one would blink.

But whatever. Basically I have to pop in and out for the week - I figure no more than 3 hours or so a day, unless there's something specific I need to be around for. But Friday will definitely only be a couple hours, and then immediately off to Rochester before Masked Ball.

Meanwhile, here it is Thanksgiving. ( My holiday )

Anyway - everyone else is listing their thanks and so, lemming-like:

I'm thankful for my friends, the family I have chosen for myself.

I'm thankful for the online communities, fandoms and friends, who are there for each other even when we're hundreds of miles apart.

I'm thankful for the opportunities I've had over the last ten years, to travel (not as extensively as I'd like, but y'know - California, Texas, and New Mexico were all new within the last two years), to get to go to VIP nights and special events in the HP world, and occasionally get treated like a sort of important person too.

I'm thankful that HPEF has done so well (comparatively) in its 7 years so far and I'm thankful that there are folks running Infinitus so I don't have to.

I'm thankful that I can actually call myself a professional writer, something my teachers alway said I'd be. Published author and professional actor have always been two of my goals - although again, not necessarily "grand scale" but nonetheless, something.

I'm thankful that I have learned to live within my means. I don't deny myself little luxuries from time to time, but I try not to over-extend myself. That means that with this layoff looming, I've got some savings laid by. Not a lot, but enough to make it to the next step.

I'm thankful for the things I've learned in all my jobs - both the good and the bad. I've had great examples of management and motivation and I've seen where leaders go astray. I'm thankful for recognizing the things that push my buttons and knowing when it's time to detox from a poisonous situation.

I'm thankful for Alternity. It sounds silly, but I was really worried at first that getting into the game would take over my life. And it sorta has, but not to the exclusion of all else (I hope), and in the meantime it's given me some creative outlet when not much else in my life was feeling creative. Plus it's hella fun.

I'm thankful for cozy socks and fuzzy blankets and movies and pyjamas and hot tea.

I've been flirting with my job search for a few weeks, easing into looking, since, y'know, I have until the end of the year.

Except I don't.

I got a one-month's notice today - November 27, instead of end of December.

This sucks for a couple reasons, including that old "finding a job at the holidays" deal, one month less salary, and not least because if I'd been in 'til year-end, I might have been able to convince them to extend it by a week or two into January, to fully vest in the pension plan. As it is, my boss tells me he's going to have to "fight" for a decent severance package, let alone any kind of credit for time to vest in the retirement... which means I might lose the money I have been paying in. Argh. This happened at Mt Auburn, too - where I left about a month before I was eligible to keep the retirement benefits.

I'm so tired of having to look for work every year.

Mainly I have to remember that a. I knew this was coming, and this just moves up the timetable; b. every time before when this has happened, while it may be rough for a while, I've come out with a better job than I had before; c. this is an opportunity to work on other aspects of life - and not to get distracted nor discouraged.

I've been applying for jobs. You may have noticed me ping you on "linked in". I may cave and get a Facebook (though I may not).

I've got a list of things to take care of this month - dentist, some memberships, etc. - and I just knocked a list of stuff off my wish list - and I need to pay down the bills STAT, even if it means withdrawing a bit of savings to do it.

Man, I just HATE job-hunting. Why can't I just get discovered and land a string of leading roles, star in a movie or two, and oh, yeah, come up with an idea for a novel that will hold together for more than half a chapter?

Okay, so first off, I should talk because what reminded me that it's Pesach? Seeing the matzoh in the cafeteria on Thursday. But that said, when I said, "Oh, matzoh! That's right, it's Passover." Co-worker K pointed to it and said, "What's that?"

Me: Matzoh
Co-Worker: Yeah, but what is that?
Me: ...

Next day, I get my boards and butter (just because!) and sit down and co-worker T says: "That's the biggest Saltine I've ever seen."

Me: Yeah, that's what you said last year. (Unspoken: It wasn't funny then, either.) (Boss D asked how long Passover lasts. "Eight days," I said, "pretty much any major Jewish holiday? Eight days is a good bet.")


And now I'm watching The Ten Commandments. I've pointed out before that NO ONE says Heston's character's name only once in this movie. It's always "Moses, Moses!" never just "Moses."

Ever notice that?

Also, I still say the hand-of-God special effect for the slaying of the firstborn is one of the CREEPIEST special effects ever, even though it's so simple (though I'm sure it was tricky at the time.) It's partly music, but that green hand reaching around the moon? Shivers. Every time. Still.

Finally, this movie is an interesting commentary on commercialism in the media. It's a 3 1/2 hour movie, roughly (220 minutes on DVD). Used to be that they'd begin airing it at 7:00 PM to finish it at 11. Now they air it at 7:00 PM to finish it at 11:45. Now, the movie didn't get longer, so what's making it take an extra 45 minutes to show it on the network? Yeah.

Oh, what the heck. Ann Baxter and Yul Brynner chewing scenery, Chuck Heston being all sanctimonious in sandals, and spectacle as only DeMille can do it. Still works for me.


ETA: Okay, so occasionally people do say his name only the once.

Oh, and btw, have you noticed how distances take FOREVER to travel at the beginnings of movies (especially adventures) but like ZERO time to travel at the end? (I'm specifically thinking of "Stardust" which has been playing on Showtime today.)

Okay. I know, it's been a while.

And I know, I'm a bad friend: I haven't been reading journals nearly as much as I should. No Time! Life is made of teh crazy.

Not that there aren't some good things happening, but really? This week has been twice as long and stressful as it should be.

There's some work-related crap, which is probably not of much interest to most of you and I may put in a flocked (for my protection) post later.

There was the site visit for AZKATRAZ, which was utterly fabulous and wonderful and I got to hang out with some amazing HP fans and also got to spend not one, but TWO evenings with the incredible and awesome rani23 whom I miss like whoa and love more than my luggage.

There was the RECOVERING from my first trip to California. I know, right? But the only time I had been planning to go before, there was a hurricane moving up the east coast that grounded my plane, so I had to cancel the trip. So YAY for my first time in CA and OMG, San Francisco is BEAUTIFUL. Except for the panhandlers. They're not so gorgeous.

There's hpalternity, too, which is EATING MY BRAIN because really I don't want to do much other than play, because it's so fun.

Then there's Tribute, which is the show I am stage managing. Now, ordinarily, y'all know, I don't like to stage manage. I really hate the responsibility and the pressure and yeah, I'm good at it, but I'd much RATHER be on stage, doing what I frankly do the bestest in the whole world.

But I agreed because I knew the players were in a tight spot and there really weren't any roles in the show for me, nor really any other shows I wanted to do this fall, plus of course, with all the travel, I knew my chances of getting cast in anything were slim to none.

I mention the travel. I've just completed Five (count'em 5) Weekends In A Row of travel, including TWO road trips to Western New York, a plane to Pittsburgh followed by a road trip down to WV, and two other airline trips: Orlando and SF. And yes, my arms *are* tired.

This means not only that I have a pile of laundry about as big as my bed, but that I had to miss a lot of rehearsals. Well. A handful of rehearsals. With a director who was not really invested in blocking, but more letting the actors mill around on the stage to "find what works" (gods, I HATE that kind of director). And I was *totally* up front about the travel beforehand. We tried to get an assistant stage manager, but she couldn't make all the rehearsals either and pulled out early. The producer was filling in for me on the nights when I couldn't be there.

And then. The director up and quit. This Tuesday morning. Three and a half weeks before opening. And his stated reason for quitting? "The Players do not share my belief in the importance of a stage manager." What. The. Frak? There's been never a word to me about any sort of difficulty. He's completely non-communicative, and IMO wasn't doing a great job, but that's hardly my fault, yo. The moment I read the email I thought, "You a-hole. It's not me. You want to quit for some other reason and you're just using my (hello: PLANNED) absences as an excuse." (Sure enough, I talked with the producer and the president of the group last night and there was, in fact, some other kind of reason.)

Anyway, so yeah - I don't take it personally and I'm not at all hurt or upset by his accusation that I wasn't being a real stage manager. There wasn't anything to manage yet, and besides, he knew I was going to be away and said in production meetings that he was okay with it. I can't help that the production meetings were held on days when I was out of town, either - my conflicts were known *before* the meetings were scheduled. So, yeah - not my fault, dude, and not like I'm sorry to see the door hit you on the ass on your way out.

We now have an amazing director, one of the best directors in this region, which brings me to a whole other level of angst, but that's okay. And in the three days since this director has been gone? Uh, yeah. Already a better show.

But. Something I didn't need among all the other stress.

Oh - And I've recorded two fics for SpellCast Readings this week. One is edited and off to the producer; the other needs to be edited (tonight or tomorrow morning).

Now if I could just find my bills to pay them....


In totally other news: I'm sure you've already seen this, but The NYT Editorial Board Endorsed Obama for President.

(And Yay, Connecticut. But that's old news.)

Hm. I also have to figure out how to get to the polls that Tuesday, between work and rehearsal.

My gods, it's been a helluva couple of weeks.

I know I promised an update on Monday, but then I got busy reading flist and email and working...and didn't do it.

So here's a MASSIVE update:

( Last Weekend )

( Work )

The only other thing about work is that unfortunately, I think our AA Karen is just dumb. There's really nothing I can do about stupid. But maybe with Boss D out this week I can give her some more time and training, and start the arduous process of teaching her how to think.

( The last 60 hours or so )

I caved and called for a pizza as we passed the pizza place, figuring it would arrive a few minutes after I did. I got home at 7:35. It just came a little after 8:00 PM. I'm fed.

I'm really fried.

But man, it was great to see folks, as always.

Okay. Put away leftover pizza. Grab more water. Check email. Shower. Sleep. Cripes, it's 9:30 already!

Fuck, I'm tired.

Just because:



And according to a quiz gakked from faheud's journal, I am 54% evil. Bah. What do they know? I think the quiz betrayed some bias.


In other news:

( Ran a million errands yesterday and still didn't get everything done that I should have got done. )

Man, I'm tired. I have a rehearsal this evening yet, but I'm home and I'm sort of caught up, by which I mean I have read emails and gone through what all y'all had to say and I've pulled out tabs for things to follow-up on.

But here's a quick (lightning-quick) update:

1. Happy Birthday, heidi8!

2. Weekend was, if not a rousing success, at least something of an accomplishment. grouchyoldcoot got much of the cleaning out of the house done that he wanted; he spent time with his brother talking; he did not kill his mother. All to the good! We returned to the house on our way out of Athens on Monday and placed Karen's ashes in her bedroom, which he interprets as a "win" because she would not have wanted to be kept in their mother's house. We successfully drove back to Pittsburgh and were able to see Chadd, Morgen, and Josie for a little while before Josie (and Chadd) both had to go to bed (Josie because it was sleep time, and Chadd because he's on nights this week). I introduced Joel to "Pushing Daisies" and he liked it - of course. I made it home despite there being more snow here over the weekend than was predicted before I left.

3. etakyma has vacated her work office and will now be working from home. We'll see how this goes! She successfully managed to retain some objects that we will make use of, including some things that will make my life easier. I'll have to rearrange my furniture a bit, but that's okay - plenty of time to do that.

4. I have an audition on Thursday! Yoicks. Have to decide what to use as an audition piece. I'm thinking "Dulcinea" from La Mancha. It's for a role written for a woman playing a man, so I want something not automatically in the lower range, but that isn't a clear female song.

5. Wellesley Capers is coming up, too, and I also don't know what to sing. I'll think of something.

6. Must really start looking in earnest for a car, just so it doesn't sneak up on me. Argh.

7. Work tomorrow is going to SUCK - not because it sucks, but because I'll spend most of the day outside of the office, which does not help me catch up at all. I'm going to try to get there early (for me) for maximum catchup time before my external meetings start. Zoicks, Nargh, and other expressions of frustration.

8. Chapter 4 is STILL with the beta's and I finished the draft of Chapter 11, ready to start Chapter 12. I'm signing up for spn_j2_bigbang. I think.

9. Remember: We must rage against the heteronormative, Judeo-Christo-centric monogamarchy!