happy birthday, erinrua!

[gwendolyngrace]

Can't sleep, and this fic popped into my head, so Happy Birthday, erinrua!

Hope your day is happier than this wee bit of angst.

ETA: Supernatural Fanfiction Awards Featured Story (June 2008)

Title: Mother's Day
Rating: PG
Genre: Gen
Characters: John, wee!Dean




"Dad?"

John cracked an eye open on the room and instantly regretted it. God, everything hurt. The harsh glare from the bedside lamp felt like a hot lancet direct to his brain.

"Dean," he muttered, and his lips felt muzzled, swollen. "Lights out, okay?"

Dean turned the lamp off, but a second click put it back on at a lower wattage. "You can't go to sleep, Dad."

"Can't?" John parrotted. "Whosays? Time'zit?"

"It's about oh-one-hundred, but you can't sleep. Please, Dad. Uncle Bobby says--"

"You called Bobby?" John scrubbed his face; missed; tried again and damn, if that didn't set the gremlins to jack-hammering the inside of his skull. "'S the middle of the night." Jesus, was he really slurring that badly? "Go to bed, champ. Turn that light out."

John tried to turn over, put his back to the table and the lamp and his boy, but he could only make it onto his stomach before that particular patch of anatomy warned him he should quit while he was ahead. The pillow was dark enough.

"No, sir," Dean said distinctly.

John forced his head to the side, wincing. "What?"

"No, sir. I'm not letting you sleep. Not for at least six hours."

John stared at his son in shock for a moment. Any other day, he'd have kicked Dean's ass across the room for disobedience like that. Outright refusal of a direct order? Not Dean's SOP. And what the Hell had crawled up Dean's britches tonight, of all nights? "Where's your brother?"

Dean refused to be deflected, which was odd in itself. "He's in the other bed. He's fine. Dad, please, I'll stay up with you, but if you go to sleep, Uncle Bobby says--"

Suddenly, Dean's concern and his words clicked in John's muddled brain. "Son, I do not have a concussion. Just a headache. A killer sonuvabitch of a headache. And it's late and you and Sammy have school, so go get in beside your brother and let me get some shut-eye."

Dean shook his head. "I can't. I won't let you, sir. I'm okay, I'll stay up with you--"

"No you will not. I told you, I am fine. In fact, sleep is the only thing I do need." With great effort, John turned his back to the room.

"Then I'm calling the paramedics."

John sat up and pointed at Dean on pure adrenaline and anger. "Absolutely not. The only thing you're doing, young man, is parking your ass in that bed with your brother, and leaving me the fuck alone."

"But Uncle Bobby--"

"Fuck Bobby," John spat. "I do not have a concussion!" He had the presence of mind not to raise his voice, but the intensity of it still made his teeth hurt, and his eyes felt about to pop out of his head. His stomach flipped and he lunged out of the bed, propelled himself past Dean and into the bathroom, and retched into the toilet.

When he came out, Dean handed him a glass of water. He drank cautiously. "Sure acts like a concussion," Dean grumbled.

"Excepting in how it's not," John said wearily. He sat down on the bed, afraid that his wobbly legs would no longer hold him. "Dean. Trust the old man, here. I haven't hit my head on anything." He looked up imploringly.

Dean's eyes widened; then his mouth followed suit. "Oh."

John felt his last reserves slipping away. He rubbed his eyes with an open palm and slid between the sheets. "Please, son. Leave it alone." His voice cracked on the last syllable. "Just let be, Dean," he said, losing any semblance of control over the tears that had been threatening all day, the thickness in his throat that the whiskey had been able to chase, but Dean's protective sincerity had brought crashing to the surface again.

He felt, more than heard, the change in light, the settling of the room as Dean climbed into bed. A few seconds of silence hung between the coverlet and the bedstead.

"Dad?" Dean whispered.

"Yeah, son," John said, more in agreement than acknowledgment.

"M'sorry," his boy said despondently.

"I know. Me, too," John agreed again, flat and numb with exhaustion.

"So...are you just...hungover?" He brought up the word as if it were a cuss, and John had the impression Dean wasn't sure he'd diagnosed his father correctly, but had bravely put the term out there, just to see if he'd hit the target.

John sighed. He should have stayed away until he could come back fully functioning again. He should have waited to return to the only thing he could call home anymore: wherever his boys laid their heads.

But if he had to get through without her, he couldn't do without them.

"Go to sleep, Dean," he rumbled. "Before it's time for Sammy to get up."

"Yes, sir. M'sorry," he repeated.

"Already told me," John reminded him.

"It's just...I thought--"

"I know, sport. You thought you were taking care of me. I get it." He sighed slowly. "Some things you just can't take care of."

"'Zit...I mean," Dean ventured, trailing off uncertainly.

"Yeah," John admitted, voice thick with grief. "It's because it's her birthday."

Comments

[ficwriter1966.livejournal.com]

Hooray for the birthday fic for erinrua!

This is lovely and hurty - poor sweet Dean being so proactive and protective, insisting on doing things his (Bobby's) way despite being yelled at. You just know there were days when all the pain and the loss came avalanche-ing down, and there's nothing to do but give in to it. Nicely done.

[gwendolyngrace.livejournal.com]

Yup...and just imagine John stumbling in, acting funny, lurching around in his effort to get to bed, and Dean getting up and calling Bobby for a consultation....

Thanks for reading!

[bellasianna.livejournal.com]

*cries little tears*
Beautiful and oh so sad. Written in such a nice way.

[gwendolyngrace.livejournal.com]

Thank you. These things do tend to occur as I'm lying down for bed. But when I connected "birthday" and this dialogue, I knew instantly what was going on.

Glad you liked it! Sorry it made you cry.

[july-july-july.livejournal.com]

What a lovely little birthday fic!

I would love to have seen the other end of that phone call to Bobby. "Your daddy's what, now? Crap."

[gwendolyngrace.livejournal.com]

Yeah, no kidding!

Can you just imagine Dean sneaking out of bed after he thinks John won't notice, dialing up (and waking up) Bobby for a medical consultation?

Originally I had meant to put something in about Dean thinking he saw blood on John's scalp, which would have led Bobby to think "head wound," but I dunno. I left it out--it was clunky exposition. Besides, Bobby wouldn't necessarily assume John was hungover - not at 1:00 AM. Right? Had to be hunt-related. Sure.

(Because Dr. Bobby wins. At life.)

[pinkphoenix1985.livejournal.com]

*sniff* so sad!

[gwendolyngrace.livejournal.com]

Angst and woe, that's my spec-i-ality.

[tsuki-no-bara.livejournal.com]

what a winchester assumption, that john has a (no doubt hunt-related) concussion instead of a hangover. i love that dean reaches that conclusion, calls bobby for help, and attempts to basically browbeat his dad into being taken care of. it would be really cute if it wasn't so sad. :( i mean, i love me some take-charge!dean, but wee!dean shouldn't have to be taking care of his dad like this.

and man, poor john, i want to smack him and hug him at the same time.

[gwendolyngrace.livejournal.com]

Yup! That's it exactly. I had originally thought Dean glimpsed what he thought was blood on John's scalp, to reinforce the assumption, but in the end I decided it was better if that's what he (or Bobby) just decided was wrong, and his hurried consultation with Bobby didn't help either of them to challenge that conclusion. (I love that conversation in my head, btw. Dr. Bobby for the win!)

And yeah...it's the kind of thing that probably happened WAY too often - way more often than many of us want to think - but it's one of the more tragic parts of their lives.

I always feel the twin urge to hit-and-hug John. Maybe it's a Winchester effect.

Thanks for reading - glad you liked it!

[embroiderama]

Oh, this made me tear up for the both of them. It's lovely.

[gwendolyngrace.livejournal.com]

Thanks! Angst and guilt - it's Winchester for "I Love You."

[irismay42.livejournal.com]

Aw that was lovely! And you can totally imagine Dean trying to do sentry duty like that.

[gwendolyngrace.livejournal.com]

Thanks, and yes! I can also totally imagine Dean's consultation with Bobby...in the middle of the night. Poor Bobby. He must have gotten so used to being bothered. (Dr. Bobby wins, btw, even if he and Dean leapt to the wrong conclusion.)

[soydolcelatte.livejournal.com]

This is beautifully sad. Um, that's actually a compliment. :)

[gwendolyngrace.livejournal.com]

I'll take it!

Thanks!

So is your icon, btw. Beautiful and sad.

[saavikam77.livejournal.com]

Oh, boys... O_O *hugs them* little!Dean is such a trooper, trying to take care of his dad like that. Bravo!!

[gwendolyngrace.livejournal.com]

Thanks!

[pippii.livejournal.com]

This was so beautilful and so sad and it made me cry for both of them.
Poor Dean thinking dad is hurt and trying to take care of him - and knowing it is his mums birthday - and poor John,,,just poor John;)

[gwendolyngrace.livejournal.com]

Yeah.... And yet I love how Dean (and through Dean, Bobby) jumps to the conclusion that it's hunt-related and not just back from a bender.

It's such a Winchester thing to do - take his hurt and anger and sadness out on something supernatural, and get hurt in the process. I think John always had something of a deathwish after Mary died, but he kept himself going out of 1. the need to take care of the boys (or at least, stay alive for them); 2. vengeance and spite in equal portions.

So yeah, they are one fucked-up family! But I loves them so.

[sadelyrate.livejournal.com]

Oh...
Thank You.

This is the John Winchester I can accept, ringing true to his character right down to the should'ves. And Dean... oh, Dean...
It might not have been the best childhood the boys could've had, but it could've also been so much worse, too.

Thank you for sharing this.

*hugs*

[gwendolyngrace.livejournal.com]

You're welcome.

This is my John. This is the John I portray in all my fics--or I try to, anyway.

So if you like what you see here, Check out the rest (http://gwendolyngrace.livejournal.com/76995.html).

[nightowlv.livejournal.com]

Full of heartache. And very much what it would have been like on those days when John couldn't think of anything but Mary. It was so like Dean to know that it was his mom's birthday and to try so hard to take care of his dad, with a little help from Bobby, of course. Well done.

[gwendolyngrace.livejournal.com]

Yeah, as Ficwriter says above, there had to be days when it just became too much for him.

Dr. Bobby wins. Even when he's wrong. (But it's not his fault, really. Dean was describing the symptoms and, I think, may have given Bobby the impression it was hunt-related. And Bobby, being woken in the dead of night, was probably too disoriented to realize the date.)

Glad you liked it!

[redrikki.livejournal.com]

Oh, John. Oh, Dean. Those poor damaged boys need a hug, and, in John's case, some aspirin.

[gwendolyngrace.livejournal.com]

We're hugging them? Where? When?

Oh. You mean that kind of hug. Yeah, that too.

Heh. Glad you liked it!

Oh, wow .....

[erinrua.livejournal.com]

Oh, honey. This is like black coffee and dark chocolate, the bitter and the sweet intertwined. Poor John, so stricken with grief (and teh hangover), and helpless to really do anything even as little Dean tries to make Daddy all more better. And Bobby! Even then, Dean looked to and trusted Uncle Bobby.

*wibble* This is a gorgeous snapshot of the love and pain Dean and John shared. Thank you SO much for this! I'm sorry you couldn't sleep, but for my part, I count it wakefulness ever so well spent!

*saves to mems - HUGS you*

Re: Oh, wow .....

[gwendolyngrace.livejournal.com]

HEEE.

You're very welcome, darlin'!

(I get a giggle every time I think of how the consultation must have gone between Bobby and Lil'Dean. And poor Bobby, woken up and disoriented and not putting together that it was Mary's birthday, so taking the assumption that it's hunt-related and running with it. Dr. Bobby FTW.)

I count it well-spent, too. I just wish inspiration wouldn't hit me *every time* just as I'm trying to go to bed.... My fics wouldn't have so many pillow-talk conversations!

[may7fic.livejournal.com]

Oh this was so sadly sweet. And sweetly sad. Poor Dean... scared and wanting nothing more than to make it better for his father.

[gwendolyngrace.livejournal.com]

Yeah. Poor lil' guy. And poor John.

Glad you liked it!

[charis-kalos.livejournal.com]

Oh, what a lovely and sad wee Dean, so caring and determined. And silly Bobby, he should have known from Dean's descriptions of John's symptoms that there was another explanation - but maybe that's where Dean got "hangover" from and Bobby was just advising him to deal with the potentially fatal cause first.

(See my new icon? Ficwriter made it for me. Isn't it cool!)

[gwendolyngrace.livejournal.com]

Yes, very cool! Our own Pastor Jim in the house.

See, in several of the comments above, I mentioned that I originally thought Dean would have reported seeing something that he thought was blood on John's scalp, which would have helped Bobby into the "hunt" category. But it turned into clunky exposition thing (and it was nearly 2:00 AM!) and I didn't wind up putting it in.

But honestly? I think what happened was that Dean woke Bobby up in the dead of night, in distress because Dad was "acting all weird" and listing when he walked and so on, and he'd "been away" and just got home in the middle of the night...and Bobby, all sleepy and disoriented, never even put together the date or John's state of mind, and taking Dean's lead, also jumped to the conclusion of a hunt-related injury.

As for the hangover comment, I also thought of John commenting in dismay that Dean shouldn't even know what one is, and that it's John's fault he does, but that seemed over-the-top. So again, it didn't make the final version.

Anyway. Glad you liked it!

[saberivojo.livejournal.com]

Beautiful. God, I love Dean standing up to Dad. "No, sir." That pushes all my buttons. He is not disrespectful or rude, just determined. I love determined Dean. The boy has got a pair huh?

And this is sad and angsty and warm. I just want to snuggle with them all.

[gwendolyngrace.livejournal.com]

Hee. TakeCharge!Dean for the win.

Yeah - they all need serious hugs.

[lark_ascends]

*hugs them all*

[gwendolyngrace.livejournal.com]

They need hugging!

[just-ruth.livejournal.com]

This is just so sad, so heartbreaking. You've caught all the aching, pain of the broken disfunction that is the Winchester family.

Very well written. Thank you!

[gwendolyngrace.livejournal.com]

You're very welcome. Glad you liked it!

[patita-fea.livejournal.com]

I love wee!Dean here, disobeying orders from the master and commander because he thinks he's doing right by his family. What really strikes me is that the kid is too young to recognize a hangover, and yet he feels such an awesome sense of responsibility for his dad. At that age, I'm not sure I caught on that my parents had the flu unless they told me outright. Lawd.

And John's reaction to "You can't go to sleep"? "Whosays?" I might have giggled some.

[gwendolyngrace.livejournal.com]

Thank you!

One of the things I really wanted to get at was Dean's role as John's "parent" on occasion. John himself talks about it in "IMToD" and it's a classic dysfunction in signle-parent households.

I definitely wanted to play with the concept that Dean would go to Bobby for medical consultation. Of course, getting woken in the middle of the night, Bobby wasn't necessarily at his best, and if all Dean said was that John had been away, it's likely that Bobby would assume hunt-related injury as opposed to a more mundane diagnosis. Especially if he was too groggy to be aware that the date had any significance.

Finally, no angst should be without a little humour, so giggle away! Glad you enjoyed.

[quirkies.livejournal.com]

Aaaargh! This is lovely and so damn sad. Poor Dean being SO brave, and then feeling foolish. John is heartbreaking too, but he has his boys. &hearts

[gwendolyngrace.livejournal.com]

Hm. I wouldn't say foolish so much as abashed, a little guilty for putting up such a fuss when his dad wasn't actually hurt. Maybe sheepish?

And yeah, Johnhas them, but sometimes I wonder if he really realized how badly he was fucking up, in the weight of his own grief and obsession.

Ah, well. There's no doubt he loved them, which is why I made him admit his own foolhardiness here. Bad John! No biscuit.

Glad you liked it. Thanks for reviewing!

[labseraph.livejournal.com]

So evocative ... I could almost see the whole scene playing before my eyes. Bittersweet with just enough dash of angst.

Lovely.

[gwendolyngrace.livejournal.com]

Thanks so much! Yay, realism. Glad you liked it!

[zazreil.livejournal.com]

Ah poor sweet Dean feel so bad for him trying so hard but just putting his whole foot into it.

ZAz

[gwendolyngrace.livejournal.com]

Yeah, and so sheepish when he realizes his mistake.... Though John doesn't make it easy for him! Bad John. But at least in this case, John apologized.

Poor both of them, really. So much guilt to go around!

Thanks for reviewing.

[ewanspotter.livejournal.com]

If you're hearing that funny noise, don't worry. It's just me, crying in the corner like a little baby. KTHANKS.

[gwendolyngrace.livejournal.com]

C'mon, it wasn't that angsty, was it? Really? Um...sorry? Hm. Thanks? I'll go with "Thanks!"

(Love your icon!)

Supernatural Fanfiction Awards _ Featured Story

[sensue.livejournal.com]

Hi!

I just wanted to let you know that I've made this story Supernatural Fanfiction Awards Featured Story.

(FYI it's June 2008 Featured Story...'cause I'm a few months behind. Sorry...)

Re: Supernatural Fanfiction Awards _ Featured Story

[gwendolyngrace.livejournal.com]

Wow, cool! Thank you.

Do you have a link?