Yup, as I said about "TuF," I think the proper response to John is both to want to smack him and simultaneously to sympathize. I'll never be able to excuse everything about him, but I don't know many who could have done better given his extraordinary circumstances--and many probably would have done a whole lot worse!
As for the rel'ship with Bev, thanks - I hoped that what this would convey is that it was really John's own fear that he might give up on his vendetta if he moved forward, so he willingly (and willfully) trapped himself - as much as he was trapped - in order to maintain the life he chose for himself and Dean and Sam. But his heart was another big piece of the puzzle - and I think it was reasonable of him to fear that if he let any of them get too close - himself or Sam or even Dean - the entity that killed Mary would have come back.
Re: Enjoyed the story
As for the rel'ship with Bev, thanks - I hoped that what this would convey is that it was really John's own fear that he might give up on his vendetta if he moved forward, so he willingly (and willfully) trapped himself - as much as he was trapped - in order to maintain the life he chose for himself and Dean and Sam. But his heart was another big piece of the puzzle - and I think it was reasonable of him to fear that if he let any of them get too close - himself or Sam or even Dean - the entity that killed Mary would have come back.
Anyway - so glad you liked it!